2022 IS MY YEAR!

As we all remember, the year that should not be named, the covid pandemic year 2020-2021, passed. We were finally happy with our life, not that the significant strictness had been lifted off so we could return to our normal life. Hanging out can be outside our home, going to restaurants doing dining, traveling again, and a lot more. I was wont to speak for the world, but I was undoubtedly excited. My world was gonna be back to normal!

I celebrated the fall of 2021 with a blast, hangout, movies, harry potter theme festival. Concerts and a long walk in the parks. I had a huge family celebration in January 2022. And life felt perfect!

Just when I was being habitual of a peaceful life, The pain triggered.

One morning out of no way, I had this bad pain in my shoulder. I chose to ignore it because I planned a whole day of work. They grew over the few days when I reached out to mommy. Like all desi moms, her first response was, " let go of your mobile and get some fresh air; all will be okay." Forwarding to a few more days with home remedies, this is when I felt a lump on my neck. I now know what it was.

We finally went to a doctor's checkup, and they got my x-ray done. And it was not anything related to muscles or bones. He wrote me a series of tests. The following day I went to a public hospital. After a wait of 4 hours, I was given a 14-day later date for the test. I can't blame them; I took 14 days to visit a doctor.

The pain was unbearable, so we went to a doctor who had treated me once before with the same issue; he was furious that I took so look to visit a doc where I should have been tested and on treatment. I had my FNAC the same day after getting the medical report. It's tuberculosis lymphadenitis again.

The first time I had tuberculosis, I was 18. The world was shining, scholarship, university, driving license, Fun... and it all shattered by just one report. I was hospitalized, lost my scholarship, and had to freeze my Admission. My driving license was useless because I was too weak to do anything. I recovered after aggressive treatment for two and a half years. But this time, I was not gonna let it ruin my life.

The medication started. Like all anti-tuberculosis medication had its side effect: Nausea, fatigue, irritation, and stuff and stuff and stuff. It was all okay till it started affecting my life. Even in 2022, tuberculosis had its stigma attached. People choose to keep their distance. I was released from my job. It is just April, but I would see my world falling apart.

The medication seems not to be affecting me anymore. It's just making me sicker. It is Eid, and I am supposed to look pretty, yet here I lying puking after thrice a day. Things get worse when you have to wait 3 hours for the doctor to see you and you hear your friend talk about getting a self-test for precaution. The doctors shifted me in injection, 60 injections for 60 days. And the IM journey began.

I guess no nurse in the hospital left who hasn't seen my butt by now. The injection could only be injected in 4 portions of my body, so I was using those 4 parts on rotation. I finally managed to befriend with few nurses who injected me daily. People might call it toxic friendship, like being a friend so you can be softly injected. Who those that, Right?

It has been June, and my life is about the hospital and medication. I used to dream big, but all I wished to do by now was survive. It won't be wrong to say I was made at the world, my workplace, my relatives, and my friends. It was easy for people to say it out, " everythings is gonna be okay," "we are here for you," and "have faith," while the only valid statement they said was "you are a strong girl," but for how long.

I have lost everything by this time and am tired of pretending to be strong. Do you know, various countries accept the person for choosing to have a peaceful death. Let all the pain go away at once. Suicidal? Yes, I agree, but you won't be if you have nothing to live for. I chose to stay vital for my family, my mother, who turned the world upside down by taking me to doctors, getting me IM, IV, tested, and praying.

Doctors who could not provide me with a treatment plan or Pray to GOD gave me the disease in the first place. Not an ideal scenario. But, she was choosing to fight for me, so I would choose to live.

2022 will be my year! The statement still haunts me. I should have added a "might" or "not" along the sentence. It is August, and now I am on a drip after every three days. They say surgery is the only option. I say: DO IT. Even on Eid ul Adha, the goat is loved and nourished before being presented to sacrifice. I guess my surrounding is just habitual of my disease.

I finally had my surgery and got the lymph removed. It turns out it was MTB. This is why the medication was ineffective. My medication change and a 10-month more treatment, and I would be free. At least, I hope so!